First time blogging in months

And I`m doing it from my new tablet. More later

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First Night Training at my new job

Okay, so it's 3am, and I'm finally in bed after my first night training at my new job.  I went in at 4:30pm.  I hope I don't fall asleep while typing this, because if so, I will never get back to updating it.  Like most of my posts.  So anyways, I have been unemployed for a year.  I stopped working at a cocktail waitress back in June of 2010 due to my problems with alcohol.  Anywho, for awhile, because of probation (for a DWI) I wasn't allowed to work around alcohol, what, with my felonies, I couldn't find work anywhere except restaurants and bars.  So I tried everyday to find employment.  My probation has changed and I am now allowed to work around alcohol as long as they serve food.  So, about tonight.  Hourly wage for waitresses in NC is $2.13 an hour plus tips.  But I have to train on two night (closing) shifts, and two day (opening) shifts.  During that time, I get paid $2.13 an hour and NO tips.  When me and Adele got there at 4:30, there was already a girl there, Kristen, who came in at 3pm (she would get cut early).  And then at 6pm, Jessica came in.  Kristen got cut at 10:30pm, and so they went ahead and split the drawer (tips).  Between the three of them, Adele, Kristen and Jessica, they made $75 each.  Pretty damn good.  That's after they tipped out the bartender.  So Kristen went home, and I continued to follow Jessica and Adele around.  Which I didn't do much, I have 6 years of waitressing experience so I pretty much did stuff on my own.  At this restaurant, waitresses take care of all tables and split tips.  At the end of the shift, 2am, they split the tips again, this time making $67.  Thats a total of $142 on a Tuesday night.  If I make money like that, well, I won't be buying a house or anything, but I will finally be able to eat on a regular basis, pay my probabtion, pay my bills, and maybe do something fun with my son on the weekends.  So, I'm going to try to keep a record of how much they make each shift.  And then I will continue to keep a record of what I make each night, so I can eventually figure out a budget of some kind.  All checks will be zero.  The owner of the restaurant, only claims whats in credit card tips, so your cash tips are under the table.  Which is pretty freaking awesome.  The only downside, is that because I know have a job, I will loose my Medicaid, but I will figure that out too.  I turned my will over to God, and boy did he handle it! Thank you Lord.  Good night

A Hurtful Love

I know I did you wrong when I left you by yourself.
But I didn't know how to tell you
So I left a letter on the shelf.
I did love you once, don't get me wrong,
But I saw how you were treating me
And I grew strong.
Pushing me against the wall
And giving me a shove here nad there,
Which only grew worse.

Tell me what I did to deserve this rejection?
All I wanted to do was to love you
And your attention.
I couldn't understand how you could hurt me
Over the years I have grown accustomed to your meaness
But I can barely tell you that
thanks to you
A side of me has died
Baby, I'm sorry for leaving you
But now I have to go
If you truely loved me
your wouldn't have been mean
to your one true love.

Softly

She sits on her bed and
softly she cries
Her hands hold her head
softly she cries
Her mind has only on thought,
Her heart has only one pain and
softly she cries
The tears fall from her eyes
still and silent
The only sound is her breath
and the breaking of her heart
her world has fallen and
softly she cries
her dreams have become
shattered and broken
on teh shore
as the waves
crash around her
she feels the salt burn her heart
the water's mist feels her eyes and
softly she cries

My heart

I can feel your arms around me,
yet my hands cannot touch you.

You speak your love to me everyday,
yet my ears cannot hear you.

I look at your beauty all around me,
yet my eyes cannot see you.

Only my heart can feel you, hear you,
and see you.

It is there that you live and will
always be kept.

Pain

The pain runs deep
deep in my soul.
There is no end to the pain I feel.
Don't speak a word until you know
the pain I feel.
Don't speak a word until you hear
the cries.
Don't speak a word until you see
the tears fall.
Don't speak a word until you can
put an end to the pain that runs deep,
deep in my soul...

Random rambling

Do u remember those nights we always got in fights
and u always made it my fault
Did u ever stop to think
That maybe one less drink
Wud have put an end to it all
Stabbing words and cold shoulders turned
Kicking and screaming
And even some bleeding
Ending with a night of
Unpassionate love

That night that u hit me
And a shoved my blade deep in you

Grapevine Story

So we (the Grapevine Committee) took 5 back to back meetings to the Men's Healing Place this past Saturday. And as a member of that committee, I had to pick a story out of the magazine to read.  I choose one that I could relate to.  We then opened up the floor for people to share their feelings and comments on.  Turns out I picked a great story. 

TATTOO

       When I came into the halls of AA, I was broken ---- mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I, too, was full of shame and it was a barrier to connecting with others.  I was a teenage runaway at thirteen, and I survived hand-to-mouth for many years, doing whatever it took to survive on the streets.  It was a time of hard drinking and drugging.  I loved no one and no one loved me.  Every day that I was alive was an unanswered death wish.  God and religion were some of the reasons I left home.  I had parents who preached virtue while they tortured their children.  There was no God to save me, although I prayed every night with a rosary pressed into my hand.

       My tattoos were badges of honor with the hooligans I hung out with.  Whenever we survived a particular event, like a thievery or a street trauma, we were honored with a tattoo.  They aren't the pretty little things women have today, but the old jailhouse-ink type, where the needle is wrapped in thread and everything from India ink to mascara is used.  I have tattoos up both legs, from ankle to thigh, and several on my arms and back.

      It was a long road to happy, joyous, and free.  Because of my visible past, my shame was overwhelming.  Women in the halls didn't approach me --- I was in-your-face unapproachable.  I thought I was having a brilliant rebellion, and these people had no idea where a low-bottom woman drunk could go.  If they did, there was judgment (without mercy) that went with that knowledge.  But most of that judgment came from myself.  I compared stories and didn't identify.  Apparently, women had not been to the places I had been and then come into the halls.  I was unique.

      I kept going to meetings, even when I didn't understand why.  I just knew that I didn't want to drink, and that the people in the halls said they weren't drinking.

      The first time I heard Joe talk about being homeless and in psych wards, I began to identify.  It was my first moment of grace.  I was not unique.  I began to listen to the men, since they were comrades from the streets.  Although I didn't get a formal sponsor, I managed to get some advisers around me.  Of course, they were male, but they shared the same kind of experiences that I'd had, and I was sure that I didn't cross any personal boundaries.

      Today, I am fifty years old and twelve years sober.  My tattoos are still a constant reminder of where I came from, and they bring me honor in a different way: They are the reason why some people immediately feel comfortable around me.  They know that I didn't learn all that I know in a book. 

      I went to college and graduated cum laude with a bachelor's degree in psychology.  I share the message and do Twelfth Step work with homeless people and sex workers who are alcoholic and addicted.  When I come back in from the streets, after sharing my experience, strength, and hope, I say, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

      Today, I love my life and myself.  I have thrown myself into the middle of the herd with service work.  I know and respect many people in recovery.  I sponsor women from the street, and I often tell my story to help lift the shame from others.  I found a God of my understanding in my Native American grandmother's story of the Butterfly Nation.  I got my last tattoo professionally done.  It's a butterfly, of course. 

                      

                                                                                             Cindy C.

                                                                                             Manchester, New Hampshire

 A Native American Legend

 A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day, a small opening appeared, and he sat and watched the butterfly as it struggled for several hours to force its body through the little hole.  Then, it seemed to stop making an progress.  It appeared that it had gotten as far as it could.

       The man decided to help the butterfly, so he snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon.  The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.  

       The man continued to watch the butterfly.  He expected, at any moment, the wings to expand and support the body, which would contract in time.  Neither happened!  In fact, the butterfly spent its whole life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings.  It was never able to fly.  What the man, in kindness and haste, did not understand was the the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening was the creator's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved freedom.

       Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.  If our creator had allowed us to go through life without struggles, it would cripple us.  We would not be as strong as we could have been.

       And ---- we would never fly.

My 3 Month Old Dreads

Sorry so frizzy, they are freshly washed. Best way to carry your brass knuckles, use them to hold your dreads back ^_^

Can't be carrying concealed, right? lol

My Knitted Pieces featured in Fashion Week

 So I still feel like I did in my previous posts (while knitting these items) the frustrations and whatnot.  But I have just seen pictures of the models wearing my items.  And it made it all worth it. 

All I Do Is ....

KNIT KNIT KNIT NO MATTER WHAT lol

 

The 2nd Garment I Was Asked To Make

The Second Garment I Was Asked To Make =

A Hat With a Long Scarf Attached 

(how it was described to me)

Again, using a very thick yarn (meaning I had to double the thickest we could find) and I used huge needles.  I started with the scarf part first, she said she wanted it 20" wide by 70" long. She wanted a cable/rib type of pattern, and cabling would take me forever with something that big and such a short deadline (we were running out of time).  So I gave her a few different ribbed design patterns and she choose one.  It was relatively easy, just very time consuming, considering it was the be thick and extra wide and long.  But I knocked it out pretty quickly!

And luckily we found a color yarn (locally, we didnt have time to order any) that matched the color she needed to match the line (and drawing). 

Once I finished, I hat to wait awhile to actually work on the hat portion of it.  Because, well one, she needed to get me more yarn, and two, she hat base had to be ordered and she had been putting it off.  And then she got it, but because neither of us drive, even after she got it, it still took me a few days to get it from her.  During this waiting period, I tried to think of many different ways to do the hat, connect it and whatnot.  But I didnt have the measurements of the hat, and didnt know what material it was made out of.  As well, I had to figure out what stitch to use on the hat to make it look almost identical to the scarf part.  She (not being a knitter), figured I could just use the same stitch and make it round lol.  The first problem with that, is that the stitch she chose for the scarf is done in increments of 5+2 so I can't make it round, increasing or decreasing any would take away from the ribs.  Plus I had to design the hat shape.  It is basically like a sun hat.  I needed to make a round beanie part.  And make a part to cover the bill, that also resembled the ribbing on the scarf, connect the two, and figure out how to connect the scarf to hat because she wanted the scarf to increase out into a V and connect, NOT POSSIBLE lol. It was very challenging to design someone elses picture or idea of something. I'm use to just following patterns. Not making them. 

I finally got the hat base from her. It made out of a thin wire and then white bendable screening.  I figured out and designed a hat piece to fit perfectly over the round part.  Then I had to decide the best way to cover the bill.  I then sewed the hat part to the bill part, making sure that when I made the bill part, it wrapped underneath the hat, and was tightly secured so it wouldnt slip off.

When I finally finished I was so happy, it was like getting your freedom back lol. 

Now all I had to do was sew the scarf to the side of the hat. And that's exactly what I did. I completed this exactly like the picture I was given. Go me

Drawing of Sweater I was to Create

This is what I was given, a sketch of a big chunky sweater that is to go over an oxford shirt. That's it, a sketch.  I then had to design it. And not to be cocky, but DAMN I'm good ^_^

Finished Sweater

sewing sleeve up the side (look at the yarn ugh)

 So I went to the textiles studio so she could be there while I sewed the shoulder to the sweater. It took a little longer than it probably would have had I been at home doing it.  Then she insisted on trying it on.  It looked good, and it will look even better with the grey and beige stripped oxford shirt underneath.  I did mention that we needed to find something to spray it with (due to the yarn used --- cotton from a barrell that we turned into yarn), because it is so heavy, it pulls on the stitches when it hangs on the body.  I'm not sure if she ever sprayed it with anything.  She is currently in Charleston, SC for Fashion Week --- I can't wait to see how it came out with the complete outfit.

 

sweater sewn together

(FYI its inside out)

This was written to me by a friend

I figure if I post it here, I'll never have to go searching for it through my inbox again lol. I hope to print it one day, because whether it is known or not, this touched me deep inside.  It gives me hope, makes me smile, and reminds me to keep going (when I sometimes forget) .....

Great things done by great people are not always seen as greatness by the world around them. This could be due to a number of different factors: looks, background, superficial nonsense, etc., but that does not take away from the level of greatness in their existence. Just because society does not see something, does that mean it does not exist? No, it does not. If you can do something in this life, and know that it was good for you, or what you had and or wanted to do, then it is just that. No one has to accept something for it to exist. If you can believe in what you do, then others will have no choice in the end but to accept whatever it is as great, and move on. The thing about greatness is it has no set size, characteristics, color or smell. It does not make a difference whether you are a single mom, struggling to get by, or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. You can be equal in importance in this life, as well as equal in your level of accomplishments.

You show me a mother who comes from a rough childhood, has a kid early on in life, and picks up the pieces of her mistakes and does what is best for her and her child; gives him a home, a good upbringing with positive morals; a kid who knows it is better to work for something than to steal; a kid who knows that it is ok that mommy has made a mistake or two in her life, and may have to pay for her them for a while, but still knows that does not change the way he loves her or she loves him, and you will show a much more successful and great person than any CEO in the world. She has managed to prove herself to be great through her child. Her offspring is an extension of herself; she has both created, and molded a human being that can grow up to pass along these positive morals and characteristics along to not only whatever children they may have, but also to other human beings they may come in contact with throughout their life.

So to you Nicole, I want you to know: I have learned a great deal from you of strength, will, determination, and courage. You have exhibited all of these attributes in the time I have known you. You have done great with your son, and with yourself as well. Thank you for providing a great set of morals for your son, and for those around you. You truly are an amazing human being, and I hope you grow to realize and believe in the greatness of you. I thank you for existing. :]

Written By : J.E.P.

Living Life As A Felon

I probably could have come up with a better title for this. And I'm going to write for now (help me get ready for bed) and edit and add more later.  I plead guilty to my first two felonies not long after I turned 18.  One day I will go into what those felonies are and the story behind them.  I had a public defender (stupid me) and plead guilty pretty quickly because I had real life still going on and couldn't keep going to court.  I could have beat the case.  But I plead guilty to get it over with, not knowing what it really meant.  I got 3 years of probation, and that was difficult and easy at times.  Anyways, as the months turned into years, having felonies got harder and harder.  Not only could I not take certain programs in college, but I couldn't find a real job.  Eventually I found a family owned company that didn't do background checks.  I didn't lie, they just never asked.  I worked there until that company eventually went under and closed.  A month before the company laid me off, I escaped from a bad relationship.  This is when I realized that apartment complexes, Realtors, etc do background checks and I couldn't find anywhere in my area that would rent to me.  I finally found an apartment out in another town about 40 minutes from my house, job and child's school.  It was far, but they didn't do background checks, the complex and apartment was awesome and the rent was super freaking cheap.  One week after I moved in, I got laid off. Great, now I have no income but I still have to commute 40 minutes to take my son to school each day. I did receive unemployment which I budgeted very well and survived for awhile.  Two months before my lease ended, a neighbor set our building on fire (by accident).  Maybe this was a blessing, because I certainly didn't have an income to move somewhere else.  But because of the fire, Red Cross and other services were provided.  I found a private owner to rent to me in Raleigh, and I explained to him my background. I lived there for a year before my lease ended and I left my spouse for good. I moved my son and I into my moms house.  Working here and there when I could find work. 

I am now once again unemployed and have $0 income.  I have been unemployed since July 2010.  I lived off my savings for awhile.  And I have currently been looking for work since November 2010.  I am currently on probation for another matter (this one I WAS guilty of) for 3 years, with a suspended sentence of 3 years.  It has been specifically written in my probation that I have 120 days to gain and maintain employment in an establishment that doesn't serve alcohol.  So here my headache begins.  #1 anywhere I apply has to hire felons (supposedly there are tons), #2 they cant serve alcohol (so no waitressing or bartending for me), #3 they have to be relatively close to my residence because I don't have a drivers license and wont for 3 more years, and #4 I have to be off work in time to get my son from the bus stop by 3pm. Wow huh.  Really narrows it down. There are tons of bars, clubs, restaurants around my area that I could get a job at immediately, but opps, they serve alcohol.  Ive looked online for administrative/clerical positions. But those are 9-5 --- and i cant work til 5. 

I have used every resource that I can find through my county and state that are established to help ex offenders and whatnot.  There are many resources for individuals getting straight out of prison, which I'm not.  I was given a list of company's that hire felons, WOTC participants (they get a tax credit for hiring felons) -- but of course out of the 25 that are on the list, online 4 of them are in my county, and I have heard back from none of them.  I was also told that I could get bonded.  The state will bond me (like insurance), but I haven't come across a way that that can help me.  And I was also recently given a 3 page list of companies that have been known to hire felons.  Ive gone through most of them.  1/4 of them are trucking/transportation companies (no good, i have no license), another 1/4 have no locations in NC, another 1/4 I'm not qualified for, and the other 1/4 i have no idea of how to apply lol.

I'm writing this on March 7, 2011.  My probation states I must have employment by March 15,2011.  If by that date, I don't have a job, I will then me violated, given a court date to go in front of the probation court and see what happens.  The judge could say screw you and send me straight to prison for my 3 year prison sentence, OR he could tell me to keep looking (because I'm going to provide him with all my job search efforts).  I'm hoping for the 2nd one.  If I get to continue on probation, i still have to have a job or be in school while on probation period.  That goes for everyone.  I comply with all classes and treatment I require, I also pass all my drug tests, make all my appointments on time, etc.  Oh yea, but even tho I managed to pay off my restitution in full, I still have a monthly $40 supervision fee, and I'm already behind $160.

They hold you down, and give you no way to get up.

But they wonder why people who get out of prison, etc go back to selling drugs, gang banging, robbing people, etc.  We felons, have no other choice. I'm not trying to make excuses or justify illegal avenues, but I know that finding a job, staying out of prison, raising my son, living my daily life, planning and thinking of my goals and aspirations is a DAILY thing for me.  I obsess over finding a job.  Some days it gets so depressing its debilitating.

Well I'm not out of days yet, so Ill keep on chugging.

Baby Dreads

Started December 2010 (Today is March 6th 2011) 

I'd say they are coming along nicely.  Can't wait for them to tighten up more <3

Knitting Update

So I have sewn up the sides of the sleeves, up to the bicep line.  And I managed to sew up the sides of the sweater by gluing the scrap yarn together lol.  But I really had no other choice.  Since it wasn't a yarn that we could purchase, I had to do something.  Right now, all that really has to be done is to sew the shoulders to the sweater, but she wants to be there.  And because I don't drive and she can't drive right now, we haven't been able to get together.  Which isn't good because we are running very close to our deadline.

Our deadline is March 14th.  That's 8 days away.  Not only have we not finished the sweater.  But the hat/scarf, is FAR from being completed.  I finished the scarf part of it, but I can't proceed any further.  I need more yarn, and I have to figure out how to design the hat piece and the connecting piece.  There is no telling how long that will take.  It's kind of frustrating me and scaring me at the same time.

Then she emailed me with a third garment that she wanted done.  The third one will be extremely easy, but very time consuming! And I don't have the yarn for that yet either.  So I have 3 garments to finish in 8 days.  And there are 12 items in her line that she designed.  I'm really hoping she has almost finished the other items.

We haven't discussed what she is paying me.  We started to in the very beginning but that was only for the sweater, and the amount she came to me with wasn't and isn't sufficient.  We will figure it out and I'm not too concerned about it.

She was supposed to get the materials and whatnot to me Friday, and something happened.  Saturday then turned into Sunday, and I haven't heard from her today. I guess because there is nothing I can do, I'll just wait and be hopeful.

The Accident --- sweater must go on

sleeve with no shoulder

To the designer that I am creating this sweater for was in a bad car accident the night following our meeting.  I found out a few days later.  She is on crutches and has a neck brace because she fractured her spine.  But she is still designing the rest of her clothing line.  I had our friend take me over to the textiles studio at NCSU were she was working.  She finally got the yarn for the other item/garment Im creating for her.  We pinned the sweater (front and back) to a mannaquin to see how it looked.  The sleeve would fit perfect.  But we ran into yet another dilemma, the remaining pattern piece and yarn that I needed to connect the other sleeve to the sweater (because its a cowl neck) wasnt going to happen.  She realized there was no more of that yarn (and since it was handmade cotton, we couldnt purchase any).  I suggested that we connect it with the grey that we used on the ribbing, but she thought that would throw things off.  So instead, she decided that she wanted me to remove some rows from the sleeve, starting at the top of the shoulder, all the way down to the bicep line.  Oh yea, what fun and difficult this would be. But I managed.  I will hopefully be meeting her this week to sew the sweater together (she finally got the yarn needed to sew it).  Even I am excited beyond words.

Sweater Continued -- Making the front & back

Front of Sweater

So I was given one pattern piece for the front and the back. I found it very funny that (starting at the bottom) the sleeve was wider than the sweater.  Again I had to go with a trial and error type pattern design (that I'm designing to create the sweater she drew).  So every so often I had to take the stitches off of the needles and place it (stretch it out) over the paper pattern to make sure it fit.  Then I did some more equations and problem solving to use the right stitches, increases, decreases, etc.  Starting at the bottom it was pretty square shaped for awhile, until I started getting towards the armholes and neckline.  One side needed to be decreased for the armhole minimally, while the other side had to have dramatic work, because the neckline is a swoop/half cowl.   So I decreased drastically repeatedly on one side and then stop and continue for awhile to make it up to the one shoulder. Luckily I wrote it all down as I went (in my version of pattern writing, since Ive never done one).  And because the back of the sweater is identical, all i had to do was the reverse.  But unlike the sleeves were I could copy the pattern I wrote identically, I had to reverse the pattern I wrote for the back because it was opposite.  Boy was that fun, but I figured it out. Go me! I do rock if I say so myself.

waistband

Eventually the designer had time to meet with me.  And I brought all the pieces with me (2 sleeves w/cuffs and front and back).  She fell in love immediatly.  That gave me a great feeling (I know my knitting is great, but i completely designed this, and somebody else truely adored it).  I brought up the fact that maybe we could add a waistband (like the cuffs).  And she loved the idea.  That brought up a bit of a dilemma because unlike the sleeves, the front and back had an odd number of stitches at the base.  There were 15.  Well you cant make a ribbing with an uneven number.  So as I picked up the stitches at the base of the sweater, I kinda had to pick up (create) an extra stitch.  But once I figured it out and made sure that I picked up the stitches on the right side (so you couldnt see them) it went quickly and I had JUST enough yarn. 

I did come across one dilemma while adding the waistband.  When you castoff (finish your knitting/get to last row) the method used, is tight and doesnt allow for any stretch.  Well, if I expected a model to get this roomy chunky sweater over her bust, I would need some give.  I finally came up with the solution.  Even though I used size 17 needles on the ribbed waistband, when I got to the last row to castoff, I used a size 50 needle (the ones I used for the main sweater).  So it wasnt as tight. Yah me.

Close-up of ribbed waisteband

Friends Taken From Us & The Stupidity Behind It

I got a facebook invite today. I typically don't look at this til the last minute, because I dont go out. But I got this one today that I opened because it started with RIP, and I immediatly thought, oh crap, somebody else I know has died!

Rahem

 

 

Over the past year or so, people around me keep dying, and not of natural causes. December 10, 2007, Rahem "Radio" Still was stabbed while trying to break up a fight at a bus stop one afternoon. He was stabbed multiple times, once in the heart. He died in the hospital, which was on 3 hour lockdown because authorities thought the crime could be gang related due to the location of the murder. Rashon Arturo Martine pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter, and was just sentenced to a maximum of 74 months in prison! The minimum is 54 months. I think a life sentence is in order for taking the life of a 21 year old man. I guess sometimes the justice system just doesnt work the way that we want it to.

 

Derek

On April 26, 2008 a very close high school classmate of mine was murdered. Derek Hodge was 21 years old, when authorities found him shot in the head inside his apartment located not far from NC A&T University where he was a student. For so long police had no leads on his murder, the NC Governor approved a $5000 reward for information leading to an arrest, crimestoppers added $2000 and the family added an additional $3000. A little over a year later, US Marshalls arrested Jaguar Emanuel Wright in Springfield Massachusets. Forensic evidence led to the arrest. There is no sentence as of yet.






In 2009, Whitney Monique Mangum, 21 was struck and drug by a vehicle early one morning after leaving the club. Whitney had been in an arguement/altercation with the occupants of the vehile. When it took off and she was still latched on. It is believed that Whitney dropped from the car, and the car then ran over her. She was picked up by another vehicle and taken to the hospital where she died from injuries during the incident. The driver, Phylicia Olivia Price, 24 was picked up a few miles from the incident. She has been charged with felony hit-and-run, facing a 30 month prison sentence if convicted. The family of Whitney wants Price charged with murder.

Whitney

Danny

March 28, 2010, Daniel Ernesto Barillas was killed in a fatal car accident. He was 34 years old, and left a fiance, and 2 children, along with family. I didnt even hear about his death until months after. From what I have been told, he was driving his beloved Maserati thru Raleigh when the police got behind him and he fled. He was going over 100mph when he crashed. Daniel was a very upstanding man, and the only reason he would have been fleeing is due to driving with no license. He was a loving prancster. His life will be celebrated on his favorite day of the year, April Fools day!

I wrote this awhile ago, and I never got around to posting it, there are more to add by now, but I will come back and either edit this one or do a part two. To all my friends that are partying up stairs, you are gone but never forgotten !

Finishing the Sleeves

Layed out flat

I eventually got more yarn from the girl who drew the sweater. Ill try to sum up things a little more quickly. I finished the sleeve. It got harder towards the finishing because I had to work the decreases in the right shape. But I did it. Go me! And because I wrote it out and the other sleeve is identical, I made the second sleeve so fast.

Folded in Half

So now I wanna focus on the front and back of the sweater but of course I'm out of yarn. So I decide to figure out the ribbed cuffs she wanted. I used a chuncky not so bulky grey yarn that she picked (supposedly it matches the cream/grey pinstrip Oxford that goes underneath). I know how to make something look ribbed. But I had to figure out how to attached the two (sleeve and cuff). The simplest way seemed to be picking up stitches. And almost all basic knitting books I have and online show you how. Ohhhh how those step by step pictures suck. Lol. But I figured it out. ;)

Now that I had picked up all the stitches from the sleeve, I needed to figure out how I wanted the cuff. I tried a few different things and decided on doubling the yarn and using size 15 needles, which made it tighter and not so holey since the main yarn used with size 50 is REALLY thick.

I finally got it like I wanted (writting the pattern down along the way), bonded off. And repeated on the second sleeve.

Now I just have to wait to get more (ALOT more) yarn from her for the front and back.

Close up of the actual cuff

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Current Knitting Project --- part 2

Okay, so I figured out the right amount to cast on (made a note of it, for the other sleeve & for my first written pattern). I was going with a trial and error method but I haven't had a error yet (cross my fingers). I decreased at just the right places (my guessing turned out good). I used a combination of k2tog and ssk. In different ways/orders, sometimes not repeatedly. I layed out what I have so far on the sleeve pattern she cut for me. Issue, I've run out of yarn and I'm about two inches (4 rows) from the bicep line....still have to attempt to correctly and evenly decrease for round shoulder.

I texted the designer and told her I needed more yarn immediately. She said she had class the next day so she could get it to me Wednesday. I hope she gets it to me tomorrow because I still need to finish the sleeve (may be quite difficult) and still do the other sleeve. Not to mention the front and back of the sweater lol. And this is just garmet one lol.

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Dilemma : knit a specific sweater with no pattern

size 50 needles , OMG

A girl I met threw a friend is a design/textile/fashion student at NCSU. One night she mentioned a meeting she had with her knitting instructor. I told her that I knit and the conversation went from there. To try to sum it up quickly, she enrolled in Charleston's fashion week. So she has to design a collection of 12 items. Two of which, are knitted. Keep in mind she has never even knit a single stitch. She told me she would pay me to make them for her. I agreed because I desperately need the money, I love knitting and maybe this can open some doors for me. I mean, heck it will be in Charleston Fashion Week.

We met at Helio's one day and she showed meeting the yarn she had. It came from the textile department and was basically two different colored cotton from bins that they had to spin together. Its beautiful, nice, thick and chuncky just like she needed. Problem, it pulls apart so easily you can barely pull on it. Meaning it was going to be hard to knit. Another great thing is that we are using size 50 needles. So with huge needles and thick chunky yarn, it should take no time to Knit.

WRONG!!!! She has no pattern, just a drawing of a woman wearing a chunky knitted sweater. So .... how do I know what to knit. Ahhh didn't realize that she just had an "idea" and the whole structure, composure, etc would be up to me. So she drew out a typical sleeve pattern. Now I have to figure out how many stitches to cast on to make it the width she desired. And which is the best method to use for decreasing on this garment, which is knit in stockinette stitch. The wrist starts out wide and continually gets skinner all the way up to the bicep, where I then have to figure out how to make this rounded off shoulder. Ahhh help. Oops don't pull too hard or the yarns gonna break. Okay, I'm going to work on this sleeve and equations of width and decreases some more.

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Funny AA Joke

Okay, so I heard this at a speaker meeting the other night. I wish I had had paper to write it down, because I know now I'll mess it up, like I do most jokes. Okay so here goes...

A man arrives in heaven, standing before a Patron Saint, anyways --- the man told him there had been a mistake, he didn't belong there (heaven). The saint said, oh no we make no mistakes, lets take a walk and see where you fit in (are most comfortable, wanna reside). So they walk down a hall and the saint opens the first door. Inside are people on their knees praying, crossing themselves (sign of the cross), the man asks, "who are they?". Those are the Catholics replied the Saint. "Oh no, I don't belong there." So they walk and open a second door, the room is filled with people standing facing forward praying. The man asks "Who are they?", "Those are the Protestants" replied the Saint. "Oh no!" So they proceeded to the third door. The Saint opens the door and laughter errupts, and the room is filled with smoke and the aroma of coffee. "And who are they?" Asks the man. "Well we just don't know, they wont tell us!" Replied the saint. "I think this is where I'll stay (belong)!" Says the man ^_^

HAHAHA ---- ie anonymity

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Oh Crap, I'm Starting To Like...

so i don't really like, well, much of anything. and the things that i do, i keep to myself.  i have no friends and sometimes i wish i did, but then i get really scared when i start to make them. and get close with them. and when i get scared, i run. Ive really been enjoying myself a lot lately, and I'm not sure what to do about it. life has been pretty depressing and tons of other words that i could use right now. i want to take pictures, it makes me happy, i wish i was modeling again, i wish i could get my hair colored and a dread perm (desperately needed), i wish i was in college studying and working on a career, i wish the man i love was here. i wish i didn't require so much attention. i wish i didn't care so much. i wish i had a street/road bike. i wish i had an income, i pray that i get a job soon. i wish i could offer my son more. i wish my back didn't hurt every single second of every day. i wish i didn't feel bad when people buy me food because i only eat once a week.  i wish i could get another tattoo, a piercing is also coming soon, i can honestly say if one of those two doesn't happen soon, i will be pulling out the razor. and by saying these things, being honest, people don't want to be my friend because they think that i am crazy. maybe i am, but i think I've come to accept it. yea i have some crazy tendencies, but i would never hurt another person unless threatened, i have the biggest caring heart, i love helping others when possible, I'm a hard work, i have a great sense of humor when people can pull it out of me. I'm terrified i will hurt someones feelings because I'm very blunt and think that we shouldn't hide things from others. okay, I'm gonna try to sleep now.