Living Life As A Felon

I probably could have come up with a better title for this. And I'm going to write for now (help me get ready for bed) and edit and add more later.  I plead guilty to my first two felonies not long after I turned 18.  One day I will go into what those felonies are and the story behind them.  I had a public defender (stupid me) and plead guilty pretty quickly because I had real life still going on and couldn't keep going to court.  I could have beat the case.  But I plead guilty to get it over with, not knowing what it really meant.  I got 3 years of probation, and that was difficult and easy at times.  Anyways, as the months turned into years, having felonies got harder and harder.  Not only could I not take certain programs in college, but I couldn't find a real job.  Eventually I found a family owned company that didn't do background checks.  I didn't lie, they just never asked.  I worked there until that company eventually went under and closed.  A month before the company laid me off, I escaped from a bad relationship.  This is when I realized that apartment complexes, Realtors, etc do background checks and I couldn't find anywhere in my area that would rent to me.  I finally found an apartment out in another town about 40 minutes from my house, job and child's school.  It was far, but they didn't do background checks, the complex and apartment was awesome and the rent was super freaking cheap.  One week after I moved in, I got laid off. Great, now I have no income but I still have to commute 40 minutes to take my son to school each day. I did receive unemployment which I budgeted very well and survived for awhile.  Two months before my lease ended, a neighbor set our building on fire (by accident).  Maybe this was a blessing, because I certainly didn't have an income to move somewhere else.  But because of the fire, Red Cross and other services were provided.  I found a private owner to rent to me in Raleigh, and I explained to him my background. I lived there for a year before my lease ended and I left my spouse for good. I moved my son and I into my moms house.  Working here and there when I could find work. 

I am now once again unemployed and have $0 income.  I have been unemployed since July 2010.  I lived off my savings for awhile.  And I have currently been looking for work since November 2010.  I am currently on probation for another matter (this one I WAS guilty of) for 3 years, with a suspended sentence of 3 years.  It has been specifically written in my probation that I have 120 days to gain and maintain employment in an establishment that doesn't serve alcohol.  So here my headache begins.  #1 anywhere I apply has to hire felons (supposedly there are tons), #2 they cant serve alcohol (so no waitressing or bartending for me), #3 they have to be relatively close to my residence because I don't have a drivers license and wont for 3 more years, and #4 I have to be off work in time to get my son from the bus stop by 3pm. Wow huh.  Really narrows it down. There are tons of bars, clubs, restaurants around my area that I could get a job at immediately, but opps, they serve alcohol.  Ive looked online for administrative/clerical positions. But those are 9-5 --- and i cant work til 5. 

I have used every resource that I can find through my county and state that are established to help ex offenders and whatnot.  There are many resources for individuals getting straight out of prison, which I'm not.  I was given a list of company's that hire felons, WOTC participants (they get a tax credit for hiring felons) -- but of course out of the 25 that are on the list, online 4 of them are in my county, and I have heard back from none of them.  I was also told that I could get bonded.  The state will bond me (like insurance), but I haven't come across a way that that can help me.  And I was also recently given a 3 page list of companies that have been known to hire felons.  Ive gone through most of them.  1/4 of them are trucking/transportation companies (no good, i have no license), another 1/4 have no locations in NC, another 1/4 I'm not qualified for, and the other 1/4 i have no idea of how to apply lol.

I'm writing this on March 7, 2011.  My probation states I must have employment by March 15,2011.  If by that date, I don't have a job, I will then me violated, given a court date to go in front of the probation court and see what happens.  The judge could say screw you and send me straight to prison for my 3 year prison sentence, OR he could tell me to keep looking (because I'm going to provide him with all my job search efforts).  I'm hoping for the 2nd one.  If I get to continue on probation, i still have to have a job or be in school while on probation period.  That goes for everyone.  I comply with all classes and treatment I require, I also pass all my drug tests, make all my appointments on time, etc.  Oh yea, but even tho I managed to pay off my restitution in full, I still have a monthly $40 supervision fee, and I'm already behind $160.

They hold you down, and give you no way to get up.

But they wonder why people who get out of prison, etc go back to selling drugs, gang banging, robbing people, etc.  We felons, have no other choice. I'm not trying to make excuses or justify illegal avenues, but I know that finding a job, staying out of prison, raising my son, living my daily life, planning and thinking of my goals and aspirations is a DAILY thing for me.  I obsess over finding a job.  Some days it gets so depressing its debilitating.

Well I'm not out of days yet, so Ill keep on chugging.