Oh Crap, I'm Starting To Like...

so i don't really like, well, much of anything. and the things that i do, i keep to myself.  i have no friends and sometimes i wish i did, but then i get really scared when i start to make them. and get close with them. and when i get scared, i run. Ive really been enjoying myself a lot lately, and I'm not sure what to do about it. life has been pretty depressing and tons of other words that i could use right now. i want to take pictures, it makes me happy, i wish i was modeling again, i wish i could get my hair colored and a dread perm (desperately needed), i wish i was in college studying and working on a career, i wish the man i love was here. i wish i didn't require so much attention. i wish i didn't care so much. i wish i had a street/road bike. i wish i had an income, i pray that i get a job soon. i wish i could offer my son more. i wish my back didn't hurt every single second of every day. i wish i didn't feel bad when people buy me food because i only eat once a week.  i wish i could get another tattoo, a piercing is also coming soon, i can honestly say if one of those two doesn't happen soon, i will be pulling out the razor. and by saying these things, being honest, people don't want to be my friend because they think that i am crazy. maybe i am, but i think I've come to accept it. yea i have some crazy tendencies, but i would never hurt another person unless threatened, i have the biggest caring heart, i love helping others when possible, I'm a hard work, i have a great sense of humor when people can pull it out of me. I'm terrified i will hurt someones feelings because I'm very blunt and think that we shouldn't hide things from others. okay, I'm gonna try to sleep now.