Oh Crap, I'm Starting To Like...

so i don't really like, well, much of anything. and the things that i do, i keep to myself.  i have no friends and sometimes i wish i did, but then i get really scared when i start to make them. and get close with them. and when i get scared, i run. Ive really been enjoying myself a lot lately, and I'm not sure what to do about it. life has been pretty depressing and tons of other words that i could use right now. i want to take pictures, it makes me happy, i wish i was modeling again, i wish i could get my hair colored and a dread perm (desperately needed), i wish i was in college studying and working on a career, i wish the man i love was here. i wish i didn't require so much attention. i wish i didn't care so much. i wish i had a street/road bike. i wish i had an income, i pray that i get a job soon. i wish i could offer my son more. i wish my back didn't hurt every single second of every day. i wish i didn't feel bad when people buy me food because i only eat once a week.  i wish i could get another tattoo, a piercing is also coming soon, i can honestly say if one of those two doesn't happen soon, i will be pulling out the razor. and by saying these things, being honest, people don't want to be my friend because they think that i am crazy. maybe i am, but i think I've come to accept it. yea i have some crazy tendencies, but i would never hurt another person unless threatened, i have the biggest caring heart, i love helping others when possible, I'm a hard work, i have a great sense of humor when people can pull it out of me. I'm terrified i will hurt someones feelings because I'm very blunt and think that we shouldn't hide things from others. okay, I'm gonna try to sleep now.

Burning Touch

Let's make love;
touch me all over
let your hands roam free
kiss me in the places that take my breath from me
allow me to please you
let my mouth go to work
arousing all your needs
urging them on until it almost hurts
lets abandon our clothes
feel my skin on your skin
our bodies intertwined
loosing where end or begin
touching & tasting
the places our clothes conceal
pushing & pulling
finding places that seem unreal
where a lovers kiss can burn hot
with a passion that stings with its needs
where a man digs deep
looking for a place to plant his seed
with a passion unheard of
lets make love all night
until the sun rises & outshines our candle light

Empty Tears

I dissected the hollow eyes
the empty tears you cried,
verbally apologizing, mentally strategizing
plotting your next course of action,
your arms seemingly ached to hold me,
those empty tears put in place a distraction
your words carefully chosen, I'm trying to
find a way to put together this person
you left broken. You...you're clever
intuitively cunning, break her just a little moe
before she takes off running. Everytime you take
pieces away she's weakened, no longer
that strong, self assured, confident person you used to know, maybe, that person was too much to handle, so you had to find a way to
slowly dismantle. Every bit of her strength,
edurance and confidence, maybe you loved her
under false pretense, did it stroke your ego
to watch her fall? Did it fuel your desire
to watch her become less than who she used
to be? That person you destroyed was me
yet here I am vowing to find that
strength again, rebuilding the rubble
your destruction left behind and thank
you because what you've done helped
me see there's someone stronger inside of
me whose unwilling to bend or fold
who isn't buying empty dreams being sold
i can't take less than what I
deserve so I've become deaf to
meaningless words, I've grown numb
to those apologizes see, I love you, but
more than that..... I LOVE ME