First time blogging in months

And I`m doing it from my new tablet. More later

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First Night Training at my new job

Okay, so it's 3am, and I'm finally in bed after my first night training at my new job.  I went in at 4:30pm.  I hope I don't fall asleep while typing this, because if so, I will never get back to updating it.  Like most of my posts.  So anyways, I have been unemployed for a year.  I stopped working at a cocktail waitress back in June of 2010 due to my problems with alcohol.  Anywho, for awhile, because of probation (for a DWI) I wasn't allowed to work around alcohol, what, with my felonies, I couldn't find work anywhere except restaurants and bars.  So I tried everyday to find employment.  My probation has changed and I am now allowed to work around alcohol as long as they serve food.  So, about tonight.  Hourly wage for waitresses in NC is $2.13 an hour plus tips.  But I have to train on two night (closing) shifts, and two day (opening) shifts.  During that time, I get paid $2.13 an hour and NO tips.  When me and Adele got there at 4:30, there was already a girl there, Kristen, who came in at 3pm (she would get cut early).  And then at 6pm, Jessica came in.  Kristen got cut at 10:30pm, and so they went ahead and split the drawer (tips).  Between the three of them, Adele, Kristen and Jessica, they made $75 each.  Pretty damn good.  That's after they tipped out the bartender.  So Kristen went home, and I continued to follow Jessica and Adele around.  Which I didn't do much, I have 6 years of waitressing experience so I pretty much did stuff on my own.  At this restaurant, waitresses take care of all tables and split tips.  At the end of the shift, 2am, they split the tips again, this time making $67.  Thats a total of $142 on a Tuesday night.  If I make money like that, well, I won't be buying a house or anything, but I will finally be able to eat on a regular basis, pay my probabtion, pay my bills, and maybe do something fun with my son on the weekends.  So, I'm going to try to keep a record of how much they make each shift.  And then I will continue to keep a record of what I make each night, so I can eventually figure out a budget of some kind.  All checks will be zero.  The owner of the restaurant, only claims whats in credit card tips, so your cash tips are under the table.  Which is pretty freaking awesome.  The only downside, is that because I know have a job, I will loose my Medicaid, but I will figure that out too.  I turned my will over to God, and boy did he handle it! Thank you Lord.  Good night

A Hurtful Love

I know I did you wrong when I left you by yourself.
But I didn't know how to tell you
So I left a letter on the shelf.
I did love you once, don't get me wrong,
But I saw how you were treating me
And I grew strong.
Pushing me against the wall
And giving me a shove here nad there,
Which only grew worse.

Tell me what I did to deserve this rejection?
All I wanted to do was to love you
And your attention.
I couldn't understand how you could hurt me
Over the years I have grown accustomed to your meaness
But I can barely tell you that
thanks to you
A side of me has died
Baby, I'm sorry for leaving you
But now I have to go
If you truely loved me
your wouldn't have been mean
to your one true love.

Softly

She sits on her bed and
softly she cries
Her hands hold her head
softly she cries
Her mind has only on thought,
Her heart has only one pain and
softly she cries
The tears fall from her eyes
still and silent
The only sound is her breath
and the breaking of her heart
her world has fallen and
softly she cries
her dreams have become
shattered and broken
on teh shore
as the waves
crash around her
she feels the salt burn her heart
the water's mist feels her eyes and
softly she cries

My heart

I can feel your arms around me,
yet my hands cannot touch you.

You speak your love to me everyday,
yet my ears cannot hear you.

I look at your beauty all around me,
yet my eyes cannot see you.

Only my heart can feel you, hear you,
and see you.

It is there that you live and will
always be kept.

Pain

The pain runs deep
deep in my soul.
There is no end to the pain I feel.
Don't speak a word until you know
the pain I feel.
Don't speak a word until you hear
the cries.
Don't speak a word until you see
the tears fall.
Don't speak a word until you can
put an end to the pain that runs deep,
deep in my soul...

Random rambling

Do u remember those nights we always got in fights
and u always made it my fault
Did u ever stop to think
That maybe one less drink
Wud have put an end to it all
Stabbing words and cold shoulders turned
Kicking and screaming
And even some bleeding
Ending with a night of
Unpassionate love

That night that u hit me
And a shoved my blade deep in you